To Know or Not To Know...

Can parental rivalry begin even when the ‘child’ has not yet made his/her entrance to this world? Is it possible to guarantee an equal commitment from both parents to ensure lines of communication remain at large and decisions are made in harmony? I can certainly say daddy-to-be and I have already begun that well known ‘battle-of-the-parents’.

It all started on April 15th, when we had our 3rd appointment with Dr. M.
Originally, we were told we would be able to discover the sex of our baby around
4½ months. Are we talking a sausage or buns?

We discussed the options, and although the notion of ‘surprise’ stood strong BEFORE we got pregnant, I realized staying patient and not knowing, is just not healthy, for me or the baby! (Don’t they say anxiety is bad during pregnancy!?) Making my decision to know wasn’t too difficult. A few wise people gave me a variety of reasons why everyone should want to know. The knowledge of this baby’s identity will not only give me one extra year to bond, but also the ability to connect with the baby using his/her name. Now I know, most people will argue and say “But, you can still bond without knowing the baby’s sex.” Sure. I suppose. But then what would we call him/her? Is ‘It’, ‘Pumpkin’, ‘Baby’ or Beany ok? Let’s suppose we could name it, would ‘Pat’ be wise to use? Wouldn’t the baby suffer from gender identity crisis even before ‘he/she’, ‘it’ (or whatever) is born?

The other benefit to knowing is the thrill of a double surprise. One at that very moment during the ultrasound (what will the Dr. say?)…and the next upon delivery (what will he/she look like?)

We were both stricken with much surprise when the doctor blurted out he is able to identify the baby’s gender and could tell us at that very moment what we were having. I freaked. I was so overjoyed, eager and ready to embed the idea of having a little girl or boy into the next 5 months of our lives. I saw pink…then blue... I saw Barbie…then G.I Joe….there was a myriad of thoughts and visions crossing my mind. My blissful moment quickly came to a loud squeaking halt when V decided he wasn’t ready to know. I couldn’t believe it. I was in utter shock and completely disappointed!? Shouldn’t I have the final say; after all…I am the one bearing an extra 12 lbs so far. I am the one who is looking more and more like a whale…I am the one who is out of breath more often (shall I go on?)

We left the Dr.’s office.

I knew nothing, only that my baby resembles an alien from outer space.
I was outraged.

Daddy decided he wasn’t ready to know so soon, and thought it would be F-U-N to wait another month! FUN??? Does he even know the definition? Fun means a 'source of pleasure'. Did he find a ‘source of pleasure’ in seeing fumes coming out of my ears? Needless to say I was not having FUN. My only 'source of pleasure' at that moment would have been to wrap my overly hormonal body around his neck and strangle him!

So the story goes, ‘Pat’ is growing and so is my belly. His/her closet is full of yellow, white and mint green outfits. The game of speculation has begun. Both sets of parents believe IT is a boy! After all, how could the doctor be so sure at only 3 ½ months? I am now entering my 5th month and am enjoying every moment of it. Even though we are so far away from home, it’s such a comfort to see everyone supporting us via emails and phone calls. IT is very fortunate to have such great friends and family!

What is my objective of the month?
Continue eating healthy. Continue exercising. And make sure my husband is ready for our next appointment! No surprises then, this time, it will be MY IDEA OF FUN, when Wal-Mart will be the next stop for either a Barbie doll or G.I Joe action figure!

What is my goal?
To use this experience wisely, moving forward and ensuring that my V and I are both on the same page – always. Even though at times we may not agree on certain things, (like circumcision) it is important we work together and arrive to a peaceful agreement when it comes to our baby… ‘Pat’.