I Feel Like a Porn Star

Who knew having big boobs would be such a painful thing? LITERALLY! Nope. I did not get implants nor did I have them lifted (although, having them removed right about now seems like a good idea). I’ve always been a teeny-tiny A cup. A once proud owner of these previously microscopic bumps, I wore my fitted tops with much dignity and pride. Going ‘sans’ bra was an easy thing to do. Well, not anymore. Now it’s move over bumps, here come a set of lethal torpedoes. Being 3 months pregnant has had its ups, downs and…'growths'. Yep, you heard it right. I am 3 months pregnant and completely showing it - so much for the ‘pregnancy glow’ on my face, one quick glance at my belly and it’s clearly evident something is up (not to mention the sudden emergence of acne).
My first thought was people would wonder if I have been eating too many tortillas or indulging in too much cerveza. Well, truth be told, I have been eating quite healthily since I found out about the nugget. But, that hasn’t stopped my normally flat stomach from becoming outward bound. I notice it most when I am taking a shower. In a usual circumstance, I should be able to see my toes when I look down south (amongst other body parts). Now, my view is of a stranger looking belly button with a larger than average gut. Dr.’s response to my quicker than average growth – “ Mees, you are small and petite, yor bady ees making room for dee baby, ees natural.”
Natural SHMATURAL! Could we be having twins? Maybe I am farther along than he thinks? Yeah…NO! The ultrasounds show one little nugget at the average growth rate of three months. Can’t use that as an excuse anymore.
So, here I stand. Three months pregnant – due October 11, 2005.

My birthday was January 19th. We went out that Saturday to celebrate me turning twenty-fricken-nine! Ugh. Can’t believe I’m a year away from turning the BIG 3-0. Nuts. So, I decided to drown my glee…sorrow…whatever it was, in a fun night out with the boys. We went to a local club called Neo and had a blast. As Paulina Rubio’s ‘Dame la Tequila’ blared through the speakers…I did EXACTLY that! I must have had 10 shots of tequila, bringing me to a complete state of utter drunkenness. OHMIGUDNESS…WAS I PREGNANT THEN??? I have no idea…. but that definitely was my first question when we went to see the doctor. WILL THE TEQUILA AFFECT MY BABY?? Will his/her blood be semi-condensed with a toxic dose of Mexican tequila? I mean, nugget was manufactured in Mexico…. and will be born in Mexico…. so maybe tequila in the blood should be acceptable and customary?

The future-dad-to-be is obviously ecstatic and totally anticipating the arrival of his production. Yes. He glows with pride and reminds me constantly how good his boys can swim. Male ego?! Male pride?! I just laugh and nod, “Yes dear…you have Olympian swimmers who have just earned the gold metal!”

The sign is clearly evident at this point. When Loco the bird showed up at our house in January, I am convinced he came bearing the good fortune we desired. Even though I feel FAT, I pee every 5 seconds and my face looks like a pepperoni pizza, I finally have big boobs (for me anyway) and will embrace in a new journey with my husband. Excited, nervous and completely overjoyed for what’s to come ahead....it's amazing...life really is full of miracles…